Mothers-in-law vs Daughters-in-law

Uche Atuma

A mother-in-law is either the mother of the husband or wife, but the focus here is on the mother of the man.

The mother-in-law is the woman who carried your husband for whole nine months, went through pain, gave him her all.

So, if there’s any woman on earth who can give you useful tips on how to handle your husband’s strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, it’s his mother. 

No reasonable woman would underestimate the role of her mother-in-law in the success of her marriage to her son.

The tug-of-war between mothers and daughters-in-law is an age long crisis. The constant friction and tension between these two most important women in a man’s life often arises from an assumption that each is criticising or undermining the other.

Most women accuse their mothers-in-law of showing unreasonable jealousy or love towards their sons, while the mothers in-law complain of being excluded from their sons’ lives by their wives.

The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is the most critical relationship in any family. When these two don’t get along, the resulting tension affects everyone in the family. Family members often take sides either openly or in subtle ways.

Some ladies go to the extent of praying for the death of their mothers- inlaw even while they are still single. Some are already foreseeing and preparing for war. Some women are in competition with their mothers-in-law. S

Some ladies have the mindset that if their mothers-in-law is nice to them, then they will reciprocate, but if she is hostile, then they shall return fire for fire. 

To some, the rivalry is so ingrained that it doesn’t matter how lovely their mothers-in-law or daughters-in-law are, they just can’t stand them. They take offense easily and take everything the other person says the wrong way or reject every attempt at friendship.

To some mothers-in-laws, no matter what you do, you will never measure up to their standards. You are never good enough. 

Women are more sensitive to criticism especially when it is coming from a fellow woman. The new wife can at times feel like her husband’s mother exercises too much influence on her son and feel jealous or sense of betrayal.

So, she does everything possible including using good sex as bait to make him do as she says. She wants him to be firm and not let his mom always have her way or say in their home.

Some mothers-in-laws are meddlesome.They make snide comments about your  housekeeping skills, cooking, dressing, cleaning and even child caring abilities.

They visit without prior notice, give you attitude and even insist on cooking for her sons. They often interpret the decisions of their daughters-in-law to do things differently from them whether in relation to child care, career or running the home as a rejection of their own choices.

Ladies, if there is love and healthy bond between your husband and his mom, you should  be touched by his loyalty and love for her, rather than being outraged and jealous.

Be smart and be a step ahead. Ask her about her son’s childhood or even her own life story. When she shares her life with you, she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between you both because you would likely find out how much she sacrificed for her son.

If she wants to help you prepare meals, allow her. Pretend to enjoy her company even if you don’t.  Never make him inaccessible to his family. Tolerate her as much possible. Even your husband will appreciate and love you more for your maturity.

Show your mother-in-law respect and gratitude for the gift of your husband. Confide in her especially if he’s not listening to you. Flatter her sometimes, but don’t over do it. Your mother-in-law can never take your place as a wife, neither can you take her place as his mother. 

Every good mother wants their children to have good marriages. Do not expect your son to always do what you want him to do anymore. If he is not carrying his wife along, encourage him to consult with her.

Do not wish and hope for your daughter-in-law to fail, cultivate a relationship with her. Stop meddling, allow them make their own mistakes.

Do not baby your son, give advice when asked or when necessary. While he is single you are his ‘first lady’, but once he’s married, kindly relinquish the title to his wife. Share some of your experiences with her without trying to offend or intrude. See and treat her like your own child.

Dear husbands, you must prevent your mothers from invading your homes. Desist from talking down on your wife in the presence of your family. You should cleave to your wife.

Do not sow unnecessary tension by discussing things with your mother that you are supposed discuss with your wife. Do not hide to give your mother gifts without your wife’s consent, you are painting your wife in a bad light when you do that.

Ladies, life is turn by turn.Today, you are the daughter-in-law, tomorrow you will become the mother-in-law. While you are praying for death to visit your mother-in-law  and preparing for war, remember that what goes around, comes around.

No one has ever won fighting her daughter or mother-in-law. It’s an evil wind that blows no one any good.

Fayose: Governor joins Muslims in Eid-el-Kabir prayers

Ekiti state governor, Mr  Ayo Fayose, on Friday dressed in Muslim regalia and  joined other Muslims   at the Ado Ekiti central praying ground for the Eid-el-Kabir prayers.

Fayose was received by the the Muslim leaders and other faithful who were chorusing   “Alahu Akbar”.

Fayose addressing the faithful said that this was not his first time of identifying with Muslims  in the open, promising to maintain the relationship.

He said such actions were needed from leaders as a way of  preaching  peace, unity and tranquility to the led.

Fayose also promised to look into the request of the Muslim faithful as best as he could do.

He advised the Islamic clerics to always tell the leaders the truth and preach the values of justice and equaity.

Fayose who said that religious clerics wield  more influence on the people than government officials or political leaders, urged them to use such influence to reorientate the people toward  maintaining  love, peace, justice and equity for all.

He said: “Muslims are very peculiar people and Islam, their religion,  is not known for violence. I therefore urge all Muslims to abide by the doctrines of Islam and ensure that they live in harmony with everybody.

” We have the same blood flowing in our veins and we are,  first of all, human beings before we chose our religion. So, God in us is more important than the religion.

”The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I therefore enjoin you all  to continue to live in peace for the collective growth of our land, our nation.

“We will continue to work together so that this country remains one, indivisible but founded on justice and equity, ” he said.

Earlier, the Chief Imam of Ado Ekiti and  the President -General of the League of Imams and Alfas in the South West, Edo and Delta states, Alhaji Jamiu Kewulere- Bello, applauded  the governor’s dressing as a Muslim in his sermon.

He said it was in obedience to Allah’s instructions and biblical injunctions.

“This dressing shows that the governor is not discriminating against any religion. Your Excellency, your dressing is even in line with Biblical injunctions.

”The book of Zecharias 3:3 in  the Bible says:

“We removed unclean clothes from Joshua, we washed him clean and he was dressed with a clean turban on his head and God’s angel stood by him.

”Our governor, as you wear the turban on your head, the angel of God is already with you and that is why you are succeeding in all that you do, against all odds”, he said.

He advised the governor to consider producing a Muslim as the governorship candidate of his party for  next year’s gubernatorial election, saying no Muslim  had been elected the governor of the state since it was created over 20 years ago.

“ Ekiti is 20 years now and since  its creation, we  have not had  a Muslim as its  governor. We urge you sir, if any Muslim is interested in the governorship from your party, kindly support him to fulfil that ambition.

“We also need your support for a transformer in this area, Odo-Ado, so we can have adequate supply of electricity. We know once you make a promise, you will fulfil it,” he said.

Nigerians under attack in Ghana, 5 allegedly killed...

- There is a ongoing crisis between Nigerians and Ghanaians in Sowutoum area of Ghana

- The crisis started after a Nigerian man allegedly killed a Ghanaian during a fight

- Five Nigerians have been allegedly killed in a reprisal attacks by Ghanaians

A crisis has erupted in Sowutoum area of Ghana between Nigerians and Ghana indigenes after a Nigeria man was accused of killing a Ghanaian during a fight.

The crisis started after Ghana police reportedly arrested a Nigerian man, 48-year-old Thompson Peter, who insisted he killed the Ghanaian man in self defence during the fight.

Punch reported that the Ghanaian man's death has reportedly led to reprisal attacks against Nigerians living in Ghana, with five persons killed.

A video has emerged of Ghanaians chasing away police officers who were called to settle the crisis.

A Facebook user, Ifeanyi Chukwuemeka, wrote that the crisis started after Thompson allegedly stabbed Ghanaian 27-year-old Misbau Amadu in the head with a knife after a confrontation at his residence at about 10:00pm on Thursday.

He wrote: “The victim was rushed to the Mary Lucy Hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival by the doctors.

“Inspector Kwabena Danso, Deputy Accra Regional Police Public Relations Officer (PRO), said a week ago, Thompson Peter lodged a complaint at the Sowutoum Police Station that Misbau Amadu had broken into his apartment and stolen some items.

“After taking the statement of Thompson, the PRO said the police proceeded to the residence of Misbau Amadu with the intent of inviting him to the station to help investigate the claim but he was not available.

“Thompson said at about 9:00 pm last Thursday, Misbau came to his (Thomson’s) house, armed with a knife to attack him for reporting the case to the police. In the course of the fight, Thompson said he overpowered Misbau and stabbed him in self-defence.

“The matter is still under investigations, Inspector Kwabena Danso posited. Meanwhile, crisis has allegedly broken out in the area, with many Nigerians being attacked."

Another Facebook user, Stephen Chase Ebuka, claimed that five Nigerians have lost their lives in the reprisal attack on them and he shared a video of the mob chasing away the police.

However, the Nigerian Ministry of Foreign Affairs has refuted the claim that five Nigerians were killed in the riot.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian Union in South Africa on Thursday August 17 said that another Nigerian, Mr Uchenna Eloh, has been killed in the Western Cape Provinceof the country. He is reported to have been strangled to death by south African policemen.

Nigerians under attack in Ghana, 5 allegedly killed...

- There is a ongoing crisis between Nigerians and Ghanaians in Sowutoum area of Ghana

- The crisis started after a Nigerian man allegedly killed a Ghanaian during a fight

- Five Nigerians have been allegedly killed in a reprisal attacks by Ghanaians

A crisis has erupted in Sowutoum area of Ghana between Nigerians and Ghana indigenes after a Nigeria man was accused of killing a Ghanaian during a fight.

The crisis started after Ghana police reportedly arrested a Nigerian man, 48-year-old Thompson Peter, who insisted he killed the Ghanaian man in self defence during the fight.

Punch reported that the Ghanaian man's death has reportedly led to reprisal attacks against Nigerians living in Ghana, with five persons killed.

A video has emerged of Ghanaians chasing away police officers who were called to settle the crisis.

A Facebook user, Ifeanyi Chukwuemeka, wrote that the crisis started after Thompson allegedly stabbed Ghanaian 27-year-old Misbau Amadu in the head with a knife after a confrontation at his residence at about 10:00pm on Thursday.

He wrote: “The victim was rushed to the Mary Lucy Hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival by the doctors.

“Inspector Kwabena Danso, Deputy Accra Regional Police Public Relations Officer (PRO), said a week ago, Thompson Peter lodged a complaint at the Sowutoum Police Station that Misbau Amadu had broken into his apartment and stolen some items.

“After taking the statement of Thompson, the PRO said the police proceeded to the residence of Misbau Amadu with the intent of inviting him to the station to help investigate the claim but he was not available.

“Thompson said at about 9:00 pm last Thursday, Misbau came to his (Thomson’s) house, armed with a knife to attack him for reporting the case to the police. In the course of the fight, Thompson said he overpowered Misbau and stabbed him in self-defence.

“The matter is still under investigations, Inspector Kwabena Danso posited. Meanwhile, crisis has allegedly broken out in the area, with many Nigerians being attacked."

Another Facebook user, Stephen Chase Ebuka, claimed that five Nigerians have lost their lives in the reprisal attack on them and he shared a video of the mob chasing away the police.

However, the Nigerian Ministry of Foreign Affairs has refuted the claim that five Nigerians were killed in the riot.

Meanwhile, the Nigerian Union in South Africa on Thursday August 17 said that another Nigerian, Mr Uchenna Eloh, has been killed in the Western Cape Provinceof the country. He is reported to have been strangled to death by south African policemen.

Just In : Anambra, Gunmen attack another church, kill policeman, civilian

Gunmen on Sunday struck at the Assemblies of God Church on the Oguta road Onitsha, Anambra State killing one policeman and a civilian.

This is coming seven days after gunmen attacked St Philips Catholic Church, Ozubulu and killed no fewer than 13 persons and injured 27.

An eyewitness account told our correspondent that the gunmen had momentarily stopped at the Assemblies of God Church, but on sighting some policemen at the church, opened fire on them.

“When the firing became too hot, the policemen abandoned their patrol vehicle and ran away for safety.

“The gunmen moved to their patrol van and took a gun belonging to the policeman they killed.

“I saw two of the gunmen but I can’t say how many they are in number.

Another eyewitness said, “Gunmen on Okada (motorcycle) shot a policeman and collected his rifle. They also shot dead an Okada man while escaping, and the passenger he was carrying was injured. The policeman was the one armed among his colleagues; they were providing security while church service was going on at Assemblies of God Church, Oguta road Onitsha.

The Anambra State Commissioner of Police, Mr Garba Umar confirmed the incident to journalists.

He said it was not an attack on the church, adding “My men were on patrol near the church when they were attacked by some gunmen. It was not an attack on the church, in the real sense of it”.

The commissioner confirmed that the hoodlums took away a rifle belonging to the slain cop.

The Minister of Labour and Employment, Dr Chris Ngige had on Saturday said the Federal Government would work out modalities on how to secure places of worship in the country.

Leading a federal government delegation to commiserate with the people of Anambra State on the Ozubulu shooting, Ngige said that had become expedient following incessant attacks on places of worship.

Here is a bride and her very unique wedding gown

Two people who love themselves will do whatever it takes for them to be wed to each other...😃

The Niger Delta Crusaders, The Muslim Pilgrims and The United States of Nigeria (Part 1) By Femi Fani Kayode

"If Boko Haram kills Christians and burns down churches, we will slay Muslims and raze down mosques. We want to warn them that we, the Niger Delta youths, in this 21st century will not accept the killing of innocent Christians or the burning of churches. That if they try it in the north or any part of Nigeria, we the Niger Delta youths will not see any Muslim or mosque in the Niger Delta”- NIGER DELTA REVOLUTIONARY CRUSADERS, VANGUARD NEWSPAPER, 5th AUGUST, 2016.
It is no longer news that the new leader of Boko Haram, Mr. Abu Musa Al Barnawi, who apparantly has the backing of ISIS, has said that he will target only Christians and burn down all the Churches in the country.

He has also said that Muslims and mosques will no longer be targetted and that Mr. Abubakar Shekau, the erstwhile leader and principal voice of the terror group, is no longer the leader.

Mr. Shekau has responded by saying that he will continue to slaughter whoever he pleases and that he remains the authentic leader. There appears to be a very serious rift in the ranks of Boko Haram which is good news.

As far as I am concerned the two factions can do us all a favour by destroying one another and burning in hell.

Anyone that targets Christians and Churches, or indeed any innocent civilians for slaughter, is not worthy of life. They are nothing but vermin and, like the cockroaches that they are,  they must be crushed.

Mr. Shekau is evil but Mr. Al Barnawi is even worse: he is the devil incarnate. He represents ISIS and we all know what that means.

Whichever way we look at it and whatever is going on within the ranks of Boko Haram we must not loose sight of the bigger picture. And that bigger picture points to one thing: Nigeria is in a mess.

Quite apart from the poverty and hardship that has afflicted the land coupled with the total destruction of the economy and quite apart from the shattering of peoples dreams and the drastic reduction in their standard of living by the ineffectual and barren fiscal and economic policies of an inept and incompetent government, our President did not stop there.

He also went as far as to appoint as his Minister of Sports a man who is clearly (to use Donald Trump's words about Hilary Clinton) "unbalanced and unhinged".

This is a man that can barely speak english and who, during the week of the Olympics, publicly referred to our country as "the United States Of Nigeria" whilst reprimanding our Olympic football team for getting stuck in America and  arriving late in Brazil.

Someone should tell Honorable Minister Solomon Dalung that it was HIS job to get our boys to Rio De Janeiro on time and that it was something of a scandal and a national embarrasment that it took the last minute intervention and assistance of Delta Air, a private American airline, to get them there in time for their match with Japan.

Whilst our boys did us proud by going on to defeat Japan and later Sweden, the video of the Minister disparaging them and spouting nonsense about some fictitious and imaginary country called 'the United States of Nigeria' whilst wearing his ridiculous red beret went viral on the internet. A fool goes by no other name.

In normal climes the Minister would have been forced to resign the following day and he would have been compelled to apologise to the nation that he is purportedly serving for forgetting its name. Sadly though there is nothing that is "normal" about Nigeria or the Buhari administration.

Equally abysmal was the recent outing of Governor Babatunde Raji Fashola, President Buhari's "super Minister" of Power, Works and Housing, on BBC TV's Hardtalk.

Before millions of viewers from all over the world, the Minister told his host Mr. Stephen Sackhur a shameless and pernicious lie by claiming that he never promised Nigerians an increase in power generation and supply.

It is his inability to be forthright, to appreciate the virtues of telling the truth and to keep his election promises that has earned my aburo Tunde Fashola the nickname of Minister of Darkness.

Since he was appointed 'super Minister' the power generation in our country has dropped from 5000 megawatts at the time when President Jonathan left office just over a year ago to under 2000 megawatts today. Worst still he has not managed to construct or complete the refurbishment of a single road.

Yet it is not the crippled economy, the erring and dim-witted Minister of Sports, the intellectually dishonest and lying Minister of Power, Works and Housing or any of the other numerous foibles of the Buhari administration that gives us the most concern today.

It is rather the gradual and systematic  generation and invocation of a frightful and cataclysmic atmosphere of war and the looming threat and increasing likelihood of a great and violent ethnic and religious conflict, the likes of which Africa has never seen before.

If it is not Boko Haram that is slaughtering our people it is the Fulani herdsmen. Worse still they are doing these despicable things with the active connivance and support of a few people that are in the corridors of power today whose objective is to islamise our nation, plunge us into a fiery abyss and create chaos.

The bible says 'there is no fellowship between light and darkness'. We have said it before and we will say it again: we must restructure Nigeria before it is too late. If we fail to do so we will have no choice but to reconsider our so-called unity.

If things don't change quickly we must consider the possibility of dividing our country and renegotiating our union.

We cannnot afford to wait any longer because we are playing with fire and we are sitting on a keg of gunpowder. We must attempt to do whatever needs to be done peacefully and we  must not allow the butchers and those that kill in the name of their god to provoke us into another civil war.

Nothing represents the danger of the war that is looming more than the response of the Niger Delta Revolutionary Crusaders (an affliate of the Niger Delta Avengers) to Al Barnawi's threat.

They responded by saying that if Christians and Churches are targetted by Boko Haram they will kill all the Muslims in the Niger Delta area and they will burn down all the mosques. It is a simple case of "action" and "reaction" and I sincerely hope that those that are used to killing others and not being killed themselves take them seriously.

Clearly we are living in dangerous times and I sincerely hope that those that brought religion into our politics in 2015 and that used Islam and the Boko Haram offensive as a political tool against a southern Christian President are seeing the fruits of their labour.

When you invoke the proverbial genie and let it out of the kettle you must be prepared to live with the consequences and whatever follows.

Yet the folly does not stop there. As if our sensibilities were not already sufficiently provoked President Buhari took the religious dance to yet another level last week by directing the Central Bank of Nigeria to sell foreign exchange to Muslim pilgrims that were on their way to Saudi Arabia for hajj at 197 naira to 1 USD.

This whilst everyone else, including students, manufacturers, businessmen, Christian pilgrims, the ailing and holiday-makers, must continue to buy at 400 naira to 1 USD. When the math is done this amounts to a whooping N7.9 billion naira concession for Muslim pilgrims.

And all this in a country that is not only impoverished and whose people are suffering from the worst economic hardship and poverty crunch since independence but also one that is meant to be a secular state.

Such is the national outrage that President Buhari's forex concession to his Muslim brothers and sisters has provoked that a well-known political commentator and activist Mr. Paul Achalla wrote the following on his Facebook wall on August 5th:

"N410 to $1  for business, education, entrepreneurship, food processing, manufacturing, etc. and N197 to $1 for pilgrims going to Saudi Arabia? Bluntly put, Boko Haram ideology won Nigeria's 2015 general election!!!"

Paul Achalla is right. How can this sort of nonsense be justified in a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-religious secular state? Is Buhari's Nigeria crafted only for the Muslim north?  Is Saudi Arabia now the spiritual headquarters of our nation?

If it is not the Sultan of Sokoto declaring public holidays, it is the President giving subsidised rates of foreign exchange and preferential treatment to members of his own religious faith.

If it is not that he is leading our country into a sinister and dangerous military coalition of Sunni Muslim nations it is that he is holding conferences in Abuja with foreign Muslim clerics whose stated objective is to "spread sharia throughout Nigeria" and islamise our country.

Worst still virtually all his Service Chiefs and principal commanders in his Armed Forces together with his National Security Advisor, his Minister of Defence, his Minister of Internal Affairs, his Inspector General of Police, his Chief of Defence Intelligence, his Director General of State Security, his Chairman of Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, his Commander of the National Civil Defence Corps, his Comptroller General of Customs, his Comptroller General of Immigration, his Comptroller General of Prisons and ALL his other security, para-security and intelligence agencies, bar one, are northern Muslims.

Can there be any greater form of corruption, abuse of power, injustice and betrayal of trust than this? Does this not prove the fact that our country is in dire need of restructuring? (TO BE CONTNUED)